I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
