At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
