thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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