I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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