I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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