he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
