after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
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