I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
