Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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