The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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