i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
You peed on a flamingo?!?
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
