dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
