ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
he thought i was a dude.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
