If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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