and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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