Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Randomize
