In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
