If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
