Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I'm too high and old for this...
Randomize