He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
