capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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