Me too!
I bet he comes in French.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
