Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
