I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
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