Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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