after a month anything with tits is on the radar
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
