either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
