Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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