I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
