dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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