when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I cockslap morals
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
