i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize