so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
