do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
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