Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize