you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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