highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
love makes seman taste better
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
So many bounce houses so little time
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Randomize
