Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Randomize
