i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
