Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
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