Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
