I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
