If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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