My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
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