If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
its liver damage thursday
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
