he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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