when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
And then he peed in my hair
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