wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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