We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
