i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
