...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
