Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Randomize
