my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
