I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
