I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
