Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
He felt like a one man threesome
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
