Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize