just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Randomize
