What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
