But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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