I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
