I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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